Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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