i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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