I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
