85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
