omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
