you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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