4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
