Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
