I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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