if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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