K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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