i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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