Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
