so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
