I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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