How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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