I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
