Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
