Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
