take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
