We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
