Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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