im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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