I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
