his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Panties = found
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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