I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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