Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I could fuck to npr.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
