So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
