Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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