so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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