Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
