Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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