remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
