You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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