I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We have started to decorate penises.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
