The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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