we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She's the barista slut.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
