you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
