You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
