good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
