I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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