her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
