that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
