need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
