u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
