I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
