I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
