R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
