Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
