my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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