I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize