I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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