I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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