So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
