my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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