I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
