We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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