apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
