Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
