Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
