I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
