I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
