So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
