im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
