He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I party with great urgency now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
