So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
