I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Still dying that you shit outside
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
