Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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