great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
