I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
