If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
